Soo Hello, I am back writing.. I deleted several blogs from here.. mainly because I am temperamental and so tired of looking backwards... everytime I logged on I only saw the ugly messed up in our lives..

So here it goes...My Middle Child finally go this disability approval.. This has opened several doors for me to locate better quality mental health help for him.
He is now 11.. 5ft4 and 125lbs.. he is quickly becoming stronger.. so much more that by the time he is 13, I am positive he will be able to get out of my holds on him that keep him from harming himself and others...
We are working with new and better therapist whom my son actually likes! this is a huge accomplishment....

My youngest started kinder.... he loves and hates it.. His best thing is he can write his numbers, and is starting to write us letters... Love seeing my kids learn...
I am sure you are wondering what happened to home schooling... well... LIFE happened!
since being stuck back in the area of my DV past... my stress levels and anxiety have been through the roof.   Not to mention my health has been up and down.. due to stress and other things that I will not go into right now..

My daughter, who did start her freshman year in public school,,,, decided dealing with the girls obsessing over boys and sex and parties was not for her. she has since started taking classes online and hopes to have her AA and diploma at 17... she is very dedicated..

As for my husband and myself... well being homeless was not easy on any of us.. and my husband and I have suffered the most..
He was out of my home for over 2 months, and are struggling with several aspects of our relationship.. What we need most is time together... but honestly.. I think most couples need that ..
I probably have either restated things from my last post or have you so confused as to what the *(& happened to them! LOL  I suppose I will read the past blogs and fill in any blanks that do not hurt my heart to mcuh..

more to come...
HUGS

Yes I am pretty sure WE are crazy

Yes.. I am pretty sure We are crazy

Soooo remember my last post about running away.. dropping everything...


WELL We did... but not planned.. but sort of planned...
perhaps I should explain a lil bit

without too much detail... My Father needed help cleaning out and sorting my Grandmothers house.. He and his wife have lived in her basement for 10 plus years.. as well as His wifes son who is two years older than me.... LONG story here.. for next time perhaps

Any ways  It still breaks my heart but my Grandmother passed away in October.. I called and spoke with her often, till she started to suffer from Dementia... it upset her to talk to me...

My dad and his wife ( not my mother.. another ugly story) moved into my grandmothers space upstairs.

In November his wife found out she had cancer AGAIN.
 Blah blah blah... her and her sister giving away my grandmothers life to what ever person she decided it needed to go to... My father is a wimp.. and refuses to make decisions..

I finally insisted My family come and help as his wife is sick.. it was agreed..

We left our whole life behind... with the thought of a two week visit....


My hubby found tons of great job leads here, and he and my father were getting along great. it was decided that since my Grandmothers house has three bedrooms upstairs and three in a finished basement..

it was uncomfortable at first as my youngest has never seen his grandfather...but we got along ok.. i waited on this woman hand and foot.. through her chemo.. the sickness that lingers afterwards... the pains...

I listened to her scream at my father every single night about everything... WE tiptoed around the house daily.. bowing down to what ever this woman required...

mean while my Father and hubby were gone most days.. hubby either looking for work or various jobs. who knows where my father was...

Then the BREAKDOWN!! this woman went nuts.. on us.. accusing us of destroying her sisters things and stealing all her stuff.. that by the way is my GRANDMOTHERS!!!

it was hostile... and my father kicked us out!! Mind you along with all this bowing to her, we also gave my father money to help with her meds and gas to her appointments.. we purchased healthy food for her to eat.. WE cooked every meal and had stocked the cupboards better.. intending to settle in for a couple months while we all saved money splitting the costs...

WE became HOMELESS!!!! or at least stranded... three kids, two vehicles... our clothing. Thats it. over half our life still back where we came from. not enough money to get back... not enough left for hotels... applying everywhere..Day Labor..


Now mind you this is all TRUE.. not a crazy made up story...

My life is this strange..
ALSO I pray still.. and await the Lords inspiration before doing anything drastic.. like in the bible where it says Pray always.. that is me...

I felt it was the right thing to do.. this 2 week "visit" to help....

wonder where we willl be lead next...
Trying to stay positive...

Next post: homeless shelters and free lunches.... what these places really need.

And we just keep trying and trying and trying...

At some point every one is ready to drop it all and run like hell.. disappear, dump everyone, and hide in a hole.. or better yet. start fresh knowing no one far away from it all..!

even better dump the family too!

so basically this is where I am. or we are.. after much prayer and trying our best to follow God's will, things just are not going as well as we had hoped. In fact.. one could say things are MISERABLE.

Do not go on and on about what YOUR opinion is of how MY FAMILY should live!
Everyone is on their own path to heaven. Everyone has their own right and wrong for their family..

We are ready to jump ship. in spite of the few friends we have made, who we will miss and keep touch with. the few will know where we go.

Our jobs are stable, and enable us to travel with our children.. which is amazing. We could not do this without my daughter :)

Who keeps an eye on her brothers... a huge challenge, near impossible at times with our middle sons disability..

so basically we are on a quest for where to next.

how exciting, scary, nerve wracking but fun!
Pray for Guidance.. LISTEN when you hear the answer..

toss a dart at the map.. cross out any city that starts with A... pick a city name you like to say and move there!

check out home education rules and open carry laws... pack up the basics and GO FOR IT

Angry Moody, Bad feelings and confessions...

So here it is, the end of another week. 2 weeks I am not sure. It has been hectic...

So to start off, It was suggested to be to put my middle child into a mental health hospital for a short term visit.....many of you may wonder why. esp those of you who know us personally..
WELL He has a mental health issue... and before you get all hauled off with your natural  food fixes and blah blah blah, shut up!
I pray constantly for and about my son.. what is best for him and us as a whole family.. I assure you that I as His mother knows what is best for him.. and I am doing so..
He is having huge rages... no details, but it is getting harder for me to handle... My husband has little tolerance, as he does not understand still that my son does not always have the ability to control his actions..
I am not letting my sons diagnosis allow him to get away with anything... but some days, It feels as if I have to choose my son, or the rest of my family.. No parent should have to choose this...It is the worst possible feeling.. how can you pick the line between enabling or helping? he is nearly 10 years old and the last thing I want is for him to grow up not only hating himself, but hating me or the world...
We teach him all about Heavenly Father, and Jesus and all the lessons in life you teach for your children to be healthy and well adjusted...
My issue is I grew up with a very controlling, yelling screaming, spanking, hitting, whipping, family...
So many times I find myself falling into the want/need to control my sons every actions! HOW HORRID! I yell, embarrassing but the sad sad truth..I am working on this issue, not just me by myself  but with my husband, my children and several outside sources.. But Especially with my Heavenly Father...


I hate being stuck in the middle of everything.. being stuck in between what I know, what I do not and things I have no answer for.. These past couple years we have come out of our mind numbing stupor and joined in the more intelligent question asking dark side :) what a wonderful place this is!   so far we have changed our parenting step by step.. NO my sons issues did not suddenly appear as we have been attempting these changes. IN fact we are hoping to reduced them..
we have reduced our gluten intake.. we have started switching from sugar to other options..BTW it is horrid that the best foods for you are the most expensive!
Also I do not care how many people you feed on what... and what you think I should do.. AGAIN this is where being the mother in this family means I should know what is best for my family..
Anyways.. it has been more changes and adjustments.. tons of research..and setbacks...

On the up note! I have been able to sub different age groups in the childrens primary at my church. I found out I love it! LOL last week it was the children who were turning 8. This week it is the ones just older, I think.. Also I am feeling a bit more confident about being the coordinator for the Young Women's camp coming in June..although I still feel like I do not get to do anything :( I was looking forward to something more?) but I do not know what that was.
We rescued a dog off the street, cleaned her up and unfortunately turned her in, but at least she was not going to get hit by a car.. I but several positive messages to long time friends on Facebook, hoping to cheer up their day..and fit into a pair of jeans that used to be way tight..
You know the kind, lay on the bed, suck in your gut, and pray the zipper goes up without pinching the fat! LOL went on without a hitch!  Also My daughter and I had a chance to go to a Christian woman's salad supper..
the lesson/message was, We are daughters of a king! well DUH!

I am thankful that through the bad, i can still see the good...

Till next time..